Bad Boys Need Love Too: Max Page 8

  Nate laughed. “Where is the happy couple?”

  Max rolled his eyes. “Currently screwing in my study.”

  Nate choked on his drink. “Are you serious?”

  “Yep. I noticed them sneak away. Gage is not as slick as he thinks he is.” He put his hand out to Nate and they went in for the forearm bump version of a hug. “Go get your boy.”

  Max drifted around the house, making sure to socialize for a few minutes with everyone there. He heard Gage calling his name, telling him it was time to cut the cake. Forcing a smile on his face, he went to join everyone gathered around the kitchen table where his cake was. He was surrounded by friends who sang to him as he blew out the candles. But he’d never felt more alone in his life.

  ****

  A few days after the party, Max sat alone in his office. He hadn’t heard from Patrick in days. And he was staring to think he wouldn’t ever hear from him again. He hadn’t made any further attempts to reach out to him. He understood the man’s frustration. Why would he waste his time with someone who was too chicken shit to admit who he was?

  Max sighed. He was tired of living like this. He was thirty fucking years old and he was scared of what people would think of him. He thought of everything going on in the world, with state’s passing laws to allow same sex marriages, kids braving ridicule and violence to be out and proud. And here he sat, afraid to admit to being gay because he was worried people would think he wasn’t a real Black man. He snorted. He didn’t know Rosa Parks or Dr. King’s views on sexuality, but he liked to think they didn’t fight to get him his life, only for him to live half of it.

  Max groaned and put his head in his hands. He knew he was at an all-time low if he was bringing historical figures into his internal struggle.

  “You alright there, boss man?”

  Max looked up to see Sabrina standing there in the doorway, a look of concern on her face. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking through some things. Trying to make a decision.”

  She came into the room and sat on the stool. “Anything I can help with?”

  Max looked at his employee. Actually, she was more than that. She was a friend, and had been even before she’d come to work for him. He opened his mouth to speak, wanting to finally come out and say that he was gay. The words floated up from his chest, to his throat and stalled. He closed his mouth. “Nah. I got it.”

  Sabrina nodded and stood to go. “Well, I’m here if you need me.” She turned back just as she passed through the doorway. “And just a little piece of friendly advice. Most decisions are like ripping off a bandage. You’re scared of the pain, it hurts when you do it, but then the pain fades and you’re alright. So whatever you’ve got going on, just picture yourself ripping off that bandage.”

  Max smiled. “Thanks, Sabrina.”

  She slapped the doorframe and left.

  ****

  Sunday afternoon, Max drove over to Gage’s house. They were about to watch football. He’d done nothing but brood all week, so he was looking forward to hanging with his boys. As he pulled up, he saw Nate getting out of his car, followed by Kevin stepping out on the passenger side. And of course Joseph was there since he’d moved in with Gage. He sighed, realizing he was about to be a fifth wheel. He should have clued in to the fact that Football Sunday was now going to be Couples Football Sunday and brought a date. Maybe Meredith would have wanted to come.

  He walked in, everybody greeting each other and talking shit about how the game was going to go. It was loud, with the TV and the sounds of beers opening and boxes of wings and pizza being dropped onto the table. In the living room, he took a seat where he always sat, on the love seat. Belatedly, he realized he should offer that seat to Nate since he had Kevin with him. He stood back up. “Nate,” he said as he gestured to the love seat. But Nate shook his head and waved him off. Max sat back down. The game got started. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad and he wouldn’t feel like a fifth wheel after all.

  An hour later, Max looked around the living room. Nate sat in the armchair, Kevin sitting on the floor between his legs. They were both focused on the game, but Nate had his hands on Kevin’s shoulders, his fingers sliding beneath his shirt as he caressed him. Gage and Joseph were side by side on the couch. The two of them were practically wrapped around each other, Joseph’s legs tossed over Gage’s, Gage with his lips pressed to Joseph’s ear. Gage was currently trying to convince Joseph to slip off with him during the upcoming half time.

  “C’mon, Joseph. Just five minutes. They won’t even know we’re gone.”

  “Yes, we will know because we can hear you. You can’t whisper for shit,” Nate said.

  Everybody in the room laughed. Except Max. He just sat there on the love seat, his fingers tightening on his beer. He was alone and he fucking hated it. “I’m getting married.”

  The laughter stopped, a chorus of what! replacing it.

  “I’m getting married,” he said again before taking a drink of his beer.

  “Married? To who?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. To the next chick I meet.”

  Joseph swung his legs off of Gage’s lap and stood. “Hey, Kevin, remember you were going to show me the differences between all the scooters for my little brother?”

  Kevin was no dummy. He caught on quick that something was up. He stood too.

  “Oh, yeah, that’s right. Where’s your computer?”

  The two men left the room, leaving Max alone with Nate and Gage. Nate looked at him with a frown on his forehead.

  “Marrying the next chick you meet? What’s going on with you?”

  “You said all the good ones would be gone by thirty, right? Figured I’d snap one up since it doesn’t really matter who I end up with.”

  Nate and Gage exchanged a look. “Hey, man. We were just kidding around with you. You know that, right? You’ve got plenty of time to find the woman you want to be with.”

  “Yeah. Don’t rush out and wife the first female you see just because you turned thirty. That’s asking for the next thirty years to be miserable,” Gage said.

  “It doesn’t matter. I’ll be miserable no matter what woman I marry.”

  “What the fuck, Max? No, you won’t. Just don’t get married until you find the woman you want to be with.”

  Max looked down at the bottle in his hand. His heart pounded so hard he felt it in his throat and he was pretty sure the wings he’d eaten were about to come back up. “I don’t want to marry any woman. That’s why I’ll be miserable.”

  “Wait. What?”

  His fingers clenched tight on the beer bottle, Max looked up at his two closest friends. “I’m gay.”

  Gage’s face was confused. “No, you’re not. You always have honeys. And they always look like they can’t wait to jump in bed with you.”

  “And do I ever look like I want to jump in bed with them?”

  “No. But I just thought you were playing it cool. Or being respectful or some shit. I don’t know.”

  “Well, I wasn’t. I mean yeah, I was being respectful to the women, but I never felt anything more than that. I’ve had nothing but a steady supply of beards while I drove out of town for what I really wanted. Men.”

  “Holy shit.”

  Max kept his voice cool, but he still felt sick. “Don’t tell me you’re gonna judge me now?”

  Gage’s eyebrows shot up. “Hell no! I’m just thinking I’m glad I snapped Joseph up when I did. I saw the way he looked at you that night at the bowling alley.”

  Max laughed. “I could have had a diamond encrusted dick and he wouldn’t have paid me any real attention as into you as he was.”

  Gage laughed too. They both got up and they went in for a handshake that turned into a hug. Several slaps on the back later they separated. “You’re really cool with this?”

  “Come on, now. You know I’m down for people being with whoever the hell they want to be with.”

  Max looked at his other best friend. “What about you, Nate
. You haven’t said a word.”

  Nate looked up at him from where he still sat in his chair. “So you’re gay.”

  “Yeah.”

  Nate got up and Max saw the anger in his eyes. “Should I make you up a welcome packet?”

  “No. Anything from you would include nothing but nutrition bars and shakes. What’s up man? I know you haven’t ever had a thing for me, so why do you seem pissed that I’ve just come out?”

  “How long have we known each other, Max?”

  “Eleven. Twelve years?”

  “And how did we meet?”

  Max thought back to that day in their high school locker room. Two boys had Nate down on his knees, holding his arms behind his back. A third was in front of him with his dick out. He’d been rubbing it over Nate’s face, taunting him that he liked it, calling him a fag. Nate might have been in a tight spot, but he wasn’t a pushover. The next time that jerk had put his dick near his mouth Nate had bit down on it. Hard. The kid had howled in pain. He’d pulled his fist back, ready to punch Nate in the face. He never got the chance. Gage had flown at the guy, tackling him to the ground. Max had grabbed the two holding Nate by the hair and slammed their heads together. A viscous fight had broken out. He was starting to see where this was going.

  “We met when Gage and I stopped those assholes from harassing you.”

  “Right. You saw me during one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced as a gay man. You saw other times I’ve had to deal with homophobic assholes over the years. And yet you never thought I would appreciate knowing one of my best friends was gay too? It never occurred to you that I’d appreciate having someone to share that negative bullshit with? You just watched from the outside.”

  Max rubbed a hand over his head. “Nate. I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you, I swear. But I just couldn’t do it. I was an orphan, living in a fucking boy’s home. I didn’t want to have to deal with everyone knowing I was gay too. We told you what it was like there. I might have been assaulted … or worse … if some of those thugs had known. That was just too much for me to fucking handle.”

  “What about when we were older? When you found your family?”

  Max laughed harshly. “You’ve met my family. My grandma wants me to have babies. My mom thinks it’s a shame when good looking men are gay. And my cousins and the neighborhood they live in? The only gay men they see are ones who went into prison straight and came back out walking with a swish in their step and an asshole the size of their cell mate’s dick. I didn’t want that stigma attached to me.” He shrugged. “What do you want me to say, Nate? I’m not as strong as you.”

  Nate relaxed from his stiff crossed-arm stance. “Why now?”

  “I’m thirty fucking years old. Finally decided it was long past time I stopped worrying about what people thought about me and did my own thing. It was either that or end up miserable for the rest of my life like Gage said.”

  Nate looked over at their friend. “He does have a way with words.” He looked back at Max with a grin. “So does this mean I should be worried you were checking me out when we showered next to each other in the gym?”

  Max laughed. “Hell no. I said I was gay. Not that I was into diddling my family.”

  All three of them laughed at that. Nate came forward and gave him a hug. “You are family. You know that. And you’ve got my support however you need it.”

  The tension drained out of Max’s muscles. He’d ripped that bandage off, and just like Sabrina had said, he felt a helluva lot better. He grunted as Gage slammed into them, wrapping his arms around them both.

  “My brother from another mother. Anybody has anything nasty to say to you and I’ll make sure everything they eat for the rest of their lives has to come from a fucking blender.”

  Max laughed again, and reached up to ruffle Gage’s hair. “Thanks, man. But please don’t commit assault and battery on my behalf.” The three of them separated.

  “Does this mean you’re not going to marry the first chick you see anymore?”

  “Shit. I really thought I was going to have to. I didn’t see any other choice. You two know I want a family of my own. But since I wasn’t admitting to anyone I was gay, I figured marrying a woman was the only way I’d get it.

  “So are you seeing anyone? If not, I know some guys I could set you up with,” Nate said.

  Max shook his head. “I’m seeing somebody. Sort of.”

  “Well, we need to meet him, so we can judge the shit out of him.”

  Nate rolled his eyes. “Gage meant so we can make sure he’s right for you.”

  “No, I didn’t. I plan to judge the shit out of him to make sure he’s not taking advantage of you, fresh out of the closet.”

  Max laughed at his two friends. “I’ll set up a meeting and you can judge him all you want.” He saw the game was coming back on. “Get your boys back out here so we can finish this game.”

  Gage threw back his head and hollered, “Yousef!” The study door opened and Joseph and Kevin came back into the living room. “We’ve got some news to celebrate. Max is gay, so make him feel welcome.”

  Kevin’s eyebrows shot up. “Wow.” He held his hand out for Max to shake. “Welcome to the dark side. We have cookies.”

  Joseph smiled calmly. “Congratulations, Max. I’m glad you finally made this decision.”

  Gage looked at him in surprise. “You seem pretty calm. Did you know about this?” Joseph shrugged. “I might have accidentally witnessed an ummm… passionate embrace at Max’s birthday party.”

  “Well shit. And you kept it a secret? I’m impressed.”

  Joseph rolled his eyes. “I’m a lawyer, Gage. I’m trained to keep secrets. Even from you.”

  Everyone returned to their seats to finish watching the game. Max settled back down on the love seat. He was still alone. But he felt better than ever. The people closest to him knew who he really was and hadn’t rejected him. He knew it would be hard to continue coming out, but as long as he had the people most important to him on his side, he could do it.

  CHAPTER 12

  Max sat at a little table, waiting. His normal calm mood was gone. He sat there tapping his foot, his leg bouncing up and down. The server had already been by twice to fill up his water glass. He was tempted to order a real drink to calm is nerves. But he wanted his head as clear as possible for this.

  He’d called Patrick that morning and left a message on his voice mail, asking him to meet him for a drink. He knew the invitation had probably surprised the doc, they hadn’t spoken since his birthday and they hadn’t been out in public since their first date at the wine bar. Patrick hadn’t called him back, so Max didn’t even know if he was going to show up. But he was there waiting for him. If he did, if Patrick gave him another second chance, he would show him that he was serious about being in a relationship with him, out in public where everyone could see.

  He scrubbed his hand over his face as he waited. Now that he’d finally come out, on his own terms he would be kicking himself if he’d managed to screw things up for good with the doctor. The next time he glanced at the door, Patrick was walking in. Max immediately stood up. Patrick was there. That had to mean that he hadn’t written him off. He hoped. Patrick signaled to the hostess that his party was there and came over. He could see the confusion on his face as he approached.

  “Is everything alright? What’s going on?”

  Max grabbed his hand, pulling him close. Patrick’s eyebrows shot up, but Max didn’t explain himself. He didn’t want to lose his nerve. He just kissed him. It wasn’t anything spectacular. Their lips only pressed together for a few seconds. But he’d done it. He’d kissed another man in public. When he pulled back, Patrick’s blue eyes were wide with surprise.

  “What are you doing?”

  Max grinned. “Ripping a bandage off.” He kissed the doc again, this time wrapping his arms around him tight. Patrick’s lips parted beneath his and he slipped his tongue inside. Their tongues swirled together, slowl
y licking and teasing each other. The scent of Patrick’s cologne was in his nose, just as fresh and enticing as always. Max groaned. He ended their kiss, this time pulling away before things got too heated between them. Patrick still looked surprised, but now he was smiling.

  “What brought this on?”

  “It was time.” He sat back down, tugging Patrick into the seat across from him. “I knew it was time when we met. I’ve never been tempted like I was with you. I should have just given in when I showed up at your office. There were a dozen other places I could have gone, but I chose to go and see you, because I wanted to see you. But I really knew it was time when I found myself contemplating marrying a woman just so I wouldn’t be alone. That wasn’t what I wanted, and it made me miserable even considering it.” He took a deep breath. “I wanted to be with you. I know I fucked up. I was rude as shit at my party. But I hope, you’ll give me one more chance.”

  “I don’t know if I’ve ever heard you say so many words in a row before.” He squeezed the fingers of the hand he still held. “But I love every one of them. Of course you get another chance. Patience is definitely a virtue if it means my waiting got me you.”

  Max grinned again. He couldn’t stop grinning. Finally, he could live the life he wanted. It felt pretty damn good. “If you’re free tonight, I’d like you to come and meet my friends. As my date.”

  “Woah. Slow down. You don’t have to do this all at once.”

  Max shook his head. “I want to. I want to be me and not fucking hide anymore. And if there’s any group of people who will accept me, it’s the group I run with. Besides, my boys Gage and Nate already know. And they want to meet you.”

  “Oh, boy. Meeting the best friends, huh?” Now it was Patrick’s turn to take a deep breath. “Okay then. Let’s go.”

  Max walked into Gia’s with Patrick. His group was seated in the middle of the pub, several tables pushed together to accommodate everyone. Sabrina and Whitney were there, their arms casually draped over the back of each other’s chairs. Nate was playfully tugging at Kevin’s dreads while Kevin tried to swat him away. Gage and Joseph were arguing good naturedly about something. Gia leaned a hip against the table, one eye on her conversation with Dustin, the other on the bar. Several other people were there too, and the table was covered with a bunch of brightly wrapped boxes and gift baskets. Max got their attention.